ONE ME
I’ve been doing a lot of freer thinking ever since I resigned from my job to start my own business, Confluential Impact Advisors. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve always done a lot of thinking, but this thinking feels like it is finally my own. And I’m ready to share via my new blog! Thanks for reading my first post! I’ll be posting more soon!
ONE ME
After purging those pesky persistent thoughts about my previous place of work, some universal themes started to surface that I knew were unreachable for me previously — buried beneath the thoughts that raced in my head to get me through the constant daily grind of my old workplace. Things are simpler now. I’m able to process more fully. But why?
It’s not that starting a new business is less work or less complex than my previous job. The difference is that I no longer have to do the daily work of aligning my goals and work with those of the goals of the organization I work for. That took a lot of mental work— convincing myself and my team that we were all working towards the same goal, a goal we somehow all agreed was worthy of devoting at least 36% of our waking lives to.
While I tried, I was definitely not good at sticking to my 36% (the equivalent of 40 hours). And I think I know why. I had focused for so long on defining a strategy for the organization that I had failed to define one for myself. I got stuck scavenging for bits and pieces of my employer’s strategy to find those that were important to me. Half of my life consisted of vigorously pursuing strategies for my employer while essentially leaving the rest of my life to luck. I never stepped back to determine the whole of what was important to me.
Unfortunately, when you live like that, you are never quite sure how much time to spend on something that is not enshrined in a strategic road map of some sort. And that is what happened to me. Outside of the context of work, I was never able to weigh one activity against another to determine which would more effectively get me to my goal. In fact, I had no goals of my own to pursue.
From there, I would justify working longer hours or not really being present at the dinner table by tying it to something that was important to me on a personal level. Each thing that was associated with something important to me would get a portion of my day. But there was no overarching reason for the amount of time that I devoted to each activity. I just told myself I should work at least 40 hours so that I could feel no guilt— knowing I gave my employer at least what we agreed upon. I’d justify extra work hours, usually by saying it was a favor for a friend (a work friend albeit). Whatever time was left went to family, chores and necessary “rehabilitation” so that I could wake up the next day and give my all to my employer again. I knew that left no time for certain things that were important to me, but I figured I’d determine how to make time eventually.
After years of advising people to start with the end in mind, I found myself realizing for the first time that I had been operating as if my employer’s end was the same as mine. Everything else had to fit into the leftover time. And the “everything else” didn’t fit into some other set of goals that I had set for myself personally. The “everything else” was just maintenance. My non-work life was aimed at keeping things functioning. That functioning really only served my employer’s goals. Self-care was not a journey. It kept me going so that I could push myself through long work weeks.
It's time I take some of my own advice. I now have the opportunity to start as holistic as possible and with the end in mind. Holistic for me means no longer separating my professional life from my personal life. Of course, I will still need to navigate the reality that my strategic plan will intersect with the strategic plans of many organizations and individuals, but I will never again let myself fall into the trap of taking on another’s goal as my own. My goals may contribute to the goals of others, but they are my own. Stay tuned for more on my personal strategic road map! That’s where it all comes together — finally, one me!
